The wicked truth about emotional abusers

Because I am a victim of emotional abuse, I can quickly recognize it in other relationships. I'm a keen observer of verbal and non-verbal cues from others that show me they're an abuser and when other people tell me their own stories of living with an emotional abuser (which is usually a parent when the person is still a minor or a young adult), it is very difficult for me to deal with it because I want to help fix it. That's just my nature and I can't help it.

There are more people in my life than you can imagine who are living with emotional abusers and do you want to know something that's very sad? Some of them are so indoctrinated in their situation that they cannot see that they're being abused, and have been, for years on end. If anyone tried to intervene on their behalf to either remove them from the situation (as minors), or tried to convince them as a young adult that they should not accept this treatment, that it is abusive and detrimental to their emotional and physical well-being, they would shake their head in denial, or even defend their abuser! Can you imagine? Yes, it happens and it is so very sad because the abuser has no consequences for their damaging behaviors, none whatsoever. Many victims will even DEFEND their abuser when faced with the reality that the abuser might be held accountable for their actions.

This is the depressing reality of emotional abuse. Many people still think that it's "not as bad" as physical abuse, but those people who think that are very wrong. Emotional abuse is just as damaging, with some research finding that it is more damaging and has greater long-term affects on children as they move into adulthood. So, while I'm on this train that's moving so slowly toward advocating for legislation that protects victims of emotional abuse, it can only go so far as victims are willing to advocate for themselves and the very nature of emotional abuse indicates that it is difficult to get these children, adolescents, and young adults to speak against their abuser.

I'm one of the ones who did speak against mine, but that was a different time when mental health workers were not properly trained on emotional and verbal abuse and always took the side of the parent. Always. I didn't have bruises, so I had to be the problem. Granted, speaking against my abuser always had consequences for me, but I did it anyway. It did me no good as nothing changed until I could leave the home as a legal adult, which I did.

So, I find myself perplexed by these situations because I do not want to see other children, adolescents, and young adults with damage to their brains, their hearts, their souls, and their bodies, but unless and until they're willing to self-advocate, I am fighting a losing battle, aren't I?

I've included some research in case you're interested in learning more.

Teicher, M. H., Samson, J. A., Polcari, A., & McGreenery, C. E. (2006). Sticks, stones, and hurtful words: Relative effects of various forms of childhood maltreatment. American Journal of Psychiatry, 163(6), 993–1000. https://doi.org/10.1176/ajp.2006.163.6.993

• Note: This study highlights that parental verbal abuse has a uniquely powerful impact on psychiatric symptoms in young adulthood.

Vachon, D. D., Krueger, R. F., Rogosch, F. A., & Cicchetti, D. (2015). Assessment of the harmful psychiatric and behavioral effects of different forms of child maltreatment. JAMA Psychiatry, 72(11), 1135–1142. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2015.1792

• Note: This is the landmark study often cited to show that the consequences of nonphysical abuse are just as severe as physical abuse.